Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Yep, That's Me

Klutz (kluhts) - noun Slang.
1. a clumsy, awkward person.
2. a stupid or foolish person; blockhead.
3. Jenn.

Let me set the scene for you. (This is slightly running related, I promise.)

Work meeting in NY this morning with people I am meeting for first time, so good impression is important. Because I want to be punctual and not risk any delays I take an earlier flight (even if it means getting up at 3:30 a.m.).

No flight issues and I have some time to kill after I arrive in NY so I park myself at a Starbucks across the street from the building and take time to go over my meeting materials. Starbucks' bathroom is out of order so I leave a few minutes early to use the restroom in the building where my meeting is taking place. I'm feeling pretty good at this point. I'm punctual, I'm prepared, I'm dressed nicely, I'm confident.

(The following passage is likely to contain some cursing, so if you think you might be offended, you may want to visit another blog.)

I open the door to exit Starbucks, my leg moves forward and SPLAT!

Being the klutz that I am, I do not notice the huge stoop down to the sidewalk and completely miss it and am now sprawled on the ground in front of Starbucks on Broadway.

My first thought is Oh. Shit.

I slammed down on my knees and did a weird twisty motion with my feet so in the first two seconds I am worried about any potential knee, feet, ankle injuries that could potentially impact my marathon training.

In the next two seconds I become incredibly embarrassed because here I am, sprawled out in front of a busy Starbucks on Broadway and something, not sure, but suffice to say it is a busy corner in Manhatten.

And the next two seconds I realize the truly dreadful consequence of my klutziness. Here I am about 22 minutes before my important work meeting and I've ripped my pants in the knee (pretty bad, no way to hide it) and I'm sitting in some Godknowswhatisonthecement puddle. Is it spilled coffee, is it pee, what the hell is this sticky gross goop that is now on my butt and suit jacket?!

Oh. F.U.C.K.

I am very panicked and flustered and trying to hold back tears at this point because even though my meeting is now in about 19 minutes and I cannot possibly show up like this I'm supposed to be a calm, cool, collected, professionial media relations executive.

I run/limp the next block hoping to find something, a mall, a Macys, a vendor selling an "I heart NY" shirt, SOMETHING!!

And then my faith in all that is good was restored. All at once the clouds parted, the sun shone down, the angels sang and there it was. Ann Taylor Loft. And it was open.

I was so happy if I was pregnant I would be naming my child "Ann Taylor."

I've also never shopped so fast in my life. I grabbed some pants and a suit jacket off the rack, tried them on, ripped off the tags and told the salesperson, I'll be wearing these out.

I paid, threw out the clothes I left Chicago in and was twirling around in a circle asking the salesperson, "Did I miss any tags? Did I?" (I think she was frightened by me, she probably thought I was a fugitive.)

I am shocked that I made the meeting on time, with a couple minutes to spare, and that was even after I stopped in a restroom to make sure I didn't have bloody scrapes visible anywhere. Meeting went well too, although throughout the meeting I kept wondering if a clothing tag was going to pop out of somewhere.

My foot and knee is pretty sore, I think I'm going to have some nasty bruises.

So am I a runner now if my first thought was about my feet/knees/ankles and not about my ripped pants?


Lisa said...

O. M. G. I was laughing out loud. I am sorry. I know it wasn't funny at the time. But it sure seems like you can laugh about it now. Thank you for sharing your humanity with us.

I am really glad that it all worked out. I hope your meeting was successful and you weren't too flustered from your ordeal.

Btw... regarding your last post. I'm not sure if you know that you can change dates of your posts by clicking on "post options" You just change the date or time that you want the post to be. I had that problem once when I thought a post completely disappeared, but it was a week back (when I started writing it). If that isn't your issue with blogger, just ignore my rambling. ;-)

tamara said...

You are too hysterical!! Also, I think there is a possibility we were seperated at birth. We seem oddly similar in nature. I, too, am incredibly clumsy. I generally fall down stairs, especially the ones in my own home. Anyway - hope you are all healed soon so you can focus on training.

RazZDoodle said...

That sounds like something that would happen to me, too. Why is it when I get injured, it's never something cool like wrestling a bear or getting shot out of a cannon?

Years ago, I wrenched my back running to my car to go to Burger King. L-A-M-E.

Laura Marie said...

That is hilarious and I would have to say that YES...you are a runner if thats the first thing you thought of. I don't think i've hit that point just yet, but I'm sure its coming. I recently just read this other guy's blog where he posted some "You know you're a runner if...". It was actually very entertaining to read. I think there were some points where I could had actually considered myself a runner at that point hahaha. good luck with those bruises

Walking Disaster said...

Wow are you lucky to have found AT!

I almost fell down a flight of concrete steps a few weeks ago and as I was falling, I remember distinctly thinking "I can't hurt myself because I'm training for a marathon." Some logic, huh?

I'm glad that, aside from the bumps and bruises, you're otherwise okay.

(And that whole story is totally something I would have done and, except for the Starbucks and travel, I think I actually did last Friday).

Karen said...

Nice recovery!

Marathoners can do anything!

bluegame said...


Kai said...

Yikes Jenn!!!! Kudos for getting your shit together! If it makes you feel any better, I have tripped over my own feet while running and walked into glass doors.

Loved the half report - hopefully the September half (which I'm also running!) will go much better. More and more, with some potty issues lately, I'm thinking wearing an adult diaper during my races would be a pretty damn good idea.

Kai said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Adrianne said...

Saw your blog via Kai's blog - loved the entry! I was laughing the entire time. Its good to know I'm not the only ungraceful person out there!

unfocused me said...

The business traveler's nightmare - that's awful. Far better to have it happen in midtown Manhattan than just about anywhere else in the country, though. And it wasn't just luck that you were able to find a store, buy new clothes, and still get to your meeting on time -- it was preparation. You flew to NYC early, you left the Starbucks early, and that's why you had time to solve the problem. If it were me, I would have left the Starbucks three minutes before my meeting, and simply been late.

And yes, you're definitely a real runner if the first thing you think of when you fall is your training. What my wife hates most about marathon training is that I become a complete hypochondriac about my legs and feet, obsessing about every minor ache and pain. Welcome to the club.

Binx said...

what a great story... and a great solution. i'm klutzy, too, but more of a "butterfingers" because i drop things constantly. i'm actually beginning to think there's something wrong with me... :)

and yes, i'd say you are a runner for sure! i'm still getting there :)

e said...

You aer too funny. Rest assuerd since you were in NY.. no one even noticed.

Stephanie said...

What a lucky girl you are. All Hail Ann Taylor! They really do rock.

I am glad that you made your meeting. I am sure you rocked.

Karin said...

Dude, where've you been????